A nice anecdote on something I think is relevant to me and others in the field
I’m pleasantly surprised how this week has gone. Upon reflection, I’ve made tangible progress.
I’m always surprised by how the small steps when added together make this bigger goal come true. Every project I work on has been a huge undertaking.
I’m slowly working out a process on how to effectively manage these projects. It goes against my nature to slow down and take things one step at a time. But, this is how it should be done, I think.
Like a painter working on a masterpiece. It starts with a single brush stroke, followed by another, and on.
The mission to the Moon began as small rocket launches. The first orbit around the Earth was a step toward reaching the Moon.
Developing a drug for curing spinal cord injury would ultimately arrive the same way. A small step here. A small test there. Perhaps this preclinical study in an rat will provide the foundation for a successful treatment.
My projects, I suppose, are the brush strokes, the first launches into the stratosphere.
I reach for the Moon, but keep my eye on the prize which is Today.
Friends, the people around you that are trustworthy and share a common bond with are, in my opinion, a great gift.
In times of suffering or trouble, this network of friends lend that support which makes life that much easier. I think I have many friends, but few that I would feel comfortable leaning on when times get rough.
Just thinking…. one day I may call upon these individuals for valuable advice or insight into something I’m experiencing. It’s nice to know that my friends come from such varied background.
Each one a piece of a puzzle to figuring out how to solve the “right” way to move through this Adventure.
I suppose a part of the journey is not only discovering what you’re supposed to do, but discovering friendship.
I’m about to do a bad thing. I’m going to break a promise. (It is not wise to make promises, I’ve heard before).
I’m going to complain.
Grant writing is by far the most frustrating exercise I now have to master–look at that, a sentence that’s too long. It should read shorter:
Grant writing sucks.
It takes up an exorbitant amount of time with no guarantee of reward. It’s like studying for a test in college. Day and night, study, study, study, and you know for a fact that you will have a random grade at the end of the semester.
I love the writing part. I enjoy playing with words. But it’s worse than blogging a post. There’s a judgement at the end.
People hate writing, generally, because there’s that sense of judgement. The style, the words, the ideas, they are all judged in your mind, and those of your readers.
It’s much worse when the writing is a grant where you’re asking for money (i.e., funding) because the judgement is a tangible thing. It is a piece of writing that is judged not only on the writing aspect, but the ideas held within. The ideas must be clear and good.
And so, while you write a grant you are judging yourself.
The problem is there. How is there freedom in writing something when it is under constant judgement?
I don’t feel any freedom when I write a grant. It’s a weight bearing exercise, the burdensome knowledge that I will be judged. I hate being judged. But, I suppose this is the life we live in, where ideas and thoughts are not entirely free, but all come with a cost eventually.
In my field, ideas are cheap until you get paid for them. Wow, I sound cynical! But really, I’m doing this for another reason so it’s not that bad. I was designed/trained to do this job….at least for now.
Okay, back to grant writing.
It’s a hard job, being a scientist. This is not a complaint, but a mere observation in the spirit of scientific fashion. It is hard.
I’ve been in different jobs. At this moment, from this vantage point, the biggest difference I see between working in a lab in academia versus the world of commercial business is the competition, the struggle.
In commercial business, the main impetus appears strongest from the outside. Your boss, your client, your project demand your very best. And if you satisfy your boss, your client, and do a good job on your project, then you will most likely do well in your job.
On the other hand, in academic scholarship, the main impetus appears from within. While there are certain external forces that vie for your utmost effort and attention, it is within you that the most demanding pressure manifests.
In this world, there are no deadlines to meet, no benchmarks or milestones except the ones you make for yourself. Hence, if you do not self-motivate yourself, you could float around in the nether until you’re either fired or find yourself in a dead end, low-paying position (relative to your peers 10 years your junior) with no way out because you’re too old.
Now ambition says that relaxing and enjoying your life is a waste of time. Well, I suppose a glimpse into this world of academic science would help people understand how things are done in the scientific world.
There is that internal drive that must be tempered. That internal beast that says you must produce otherwise you’re a failure. I’m sure everyone who has wanted to do well in their career has at one point experienced this monster. I battle this thing so that I can get good sleep at night, enjoy time with my loved ones, and do what I like as a human being.
There is nothing worse than a worker with no soul.