In my stay in the cubicle, I learned what it was like to become part of a team. Not become, but rather disappear into a team. Somehow, at least for me, in looking back on my experience I notice that I’d lost that freedom–and time–to express and explore certain thought processes. These were not necessarily of the scientific type of my field of spinal cord injury; instead these ideas were more ideological or philosophical.
I’d stopped writing, for example. Essay writing and rambling ceased for a long time. No more journaling on the side. Somehow with not a clue in my mind how it came about, I’d lost my inspiration (maybe not the best word, but pretty close). Whatever drove me to write and think openly became secondary, even buried under everything else. Someone said it best, my “soul was sucked out“.
And, at the time I was encased in a cubicle, I did have the inkling that this emptying had actually happened. The air was let out of me like a giant ballon. Though I was working hard, doing well, and was productive in my new career path; I suppose I had flopped over deflated at the end of each day.
It just wasn’t for me.
If I ever return to the industrial sector (for profit), I think I’ll stick with something where I can be creative…. not exactly sure what that might be, yet. Maybe a professional writer?
Wait a second…I could do that now! Or not. At least I feel normal again.